This week I wanted to try something different with my Weight Watchers journey. Instead of utilizing the mobile app, I thought I would put pen to paper and actually write everything down in the Plan & Track Journal. I had one already but it had been written in already and I wanted a fresh one, so off to the Weight Watchers store I go.
I get there and I see my two favourite people, Anne and Danielle. The two of them weighed me in every Tuesday for two years and were so supportive to me. I love them to death but sadly don't get to see them often because I don't go on Tuesdays anymore.
We had a quick chit chat and Anne says to me:
Anne: "Melanie, look over at the Board, you are back up on the Board"
True enough, my success story and picture were back up on the bulletin board for everyone to see.
It felt good but at the same time, I felt like a fraud and the guilt took over.
I don't think that my picture should be up on that bulletin board right now. I am not a success story right now. And I am certainly not where I should be right now.
I told Anne that while it was nice, I shouldn't be up there. Her response was:
Anne: "Melanie, you are still here. You are still trying. And it will happen".
True enough but why can't I make it happen?
Something I will admit here that those who know me personally are well aware of is that I have a serious addiction to Peanut Butter. I could eat it everyday, on a spoon, on a cracker, with a banana. I do not discriminate when it comes to Peanut Butter.
Anyways, my point of this story is that lastnight before bed and after having a pretty good eating day and staying on track, my head is telling me to go get some Peanut Butter. On one shoulder, the angel is telling me "No Melanie, you do not need or want that Peanut Butter" and the Devil on the other is saying "Yes Melanie, go get it, go eat the whole jar and all of the yummy creaminess of the Peanut Butter".
So what does Melanie do?
Yup, I had the Peanut Butter. Now, I didn't eat the whole damn jar, but I had two teaspoons and ate it on 2 rice cakes, so it wasn't overly unhealthy but I HATE that I have that temptation and that I have NO control over it.
It sucks, it just really sucks.
My mother, my sister and my bestfriend all said the exact same thing about the picture being on the bulletin board:
"Maybe it being on the board will give you more motivation."
I truly hope they are right.
For those who struggle with me, it is so hard but we can all make it to where we want to be, we just need to work at it and realize it takes time. It took me 20 years to put on all of my extra weight and it is going to take time to get it off.
See ya tomorrow!
Love Mel
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